Page 58 - OSG Presents Classic Gamer Magazine #3

“Super”
Men
By
Chris Lion
I’ve never My favorite way to give Phil grief
been a big was to say, “I don’t get what the big “Because you’re such a Jimmy Olsen”
fan of Su- deal about his being solar-powered is.”
perman. To which he would spend the next We finally figured out how to get
Call me three hours desperately trying to get Superman to fly and quickly realized
crazy, but me to understand that Krypton had an we had forgotten everything we thought
he has just orange sun, and it was “our glorious we knew about this game. Apparently,
never done yellow sun” that gave him his power. he had become Jimmy Olsen and I, a
anything for “But what if it weren’t yellow? What loopy Perry White.
me. My about… say, golden?” And he would The bad guys (blobs with black
roommate in college thought Superman start back at the beginning. He practi- things sticking out - I think they were
was “The Best.” Superman was never cally had buttons on his forehead that supposed to be guns) seemed to hover
“bitchen,” “rad,” or any other cool way read, “Push here for endless babbling.” near the corner opposite Superman.
of saying he liked him. My roommate, The only thing we agreed on was Every time either of us entered a new
Phil, always called him “The Best.” that Superman the video game was scene, the bad guys quickly zipped out.
Personally, I always worried he was a “The Best.” He got his Atari for high Phil played for 30 minutes without ever
bit of a wuss for liking a comic book school graduation and we played end- capturing a bad guy.
hero. But, I’ve had a fondness for all lessly; constantly challenging ourselves
things goofy (including Phil), so I guess to obtain the undisputed quickest time “This sucks!” Phil (Jimmy) whined.
he could certainly like an odd comic (and avoiding classes like Superman
hero. would Kryptonite). Whenever I beat “No, I think it’s just you.”
Phil couldn’t get enough of the show him, I’d just lean back and smile, “You
and especially George Reeves. I en- are such a Jimmy Olsen!” Generally, “Like you’re doing any better…”
joyed the Christopher Reeve movie, that would throw him enough so that I
but Phil had “strong issues” over the could beat him like a drum the rest of “I’m beating you…” I said smugly.
portrayal of Lois Lane, of which I will the night. The second button on his
spare you. Suffice to say, many a forehead was the “Instant Jimmy Ol- “By six minutes, big deal.”
party ended abruptly with Phil uttering, sen” button.
“So, who’s your favorite super-hero?” Time has gone on, Phil currently is “Um, at least my score is a positive
You either agreed with him that Super- a reporter for The New York Times (as number…”
man was “The Best,” argued in vain for close to working for The Daily Planet
hours for your choice, or ran out of the as one can get), and his Atari was lost It went on like that for hours. We
room screaming as he asked the ques- to an angry girlfriend that had a thing never could figure out what was going
tion. Most people went with option for some “Caped Crusader.” When I on. Phil seemed to make sure that Su-
three. informed him of my Atari 2600, he perman flew directly into Kryptonite
My first introduction to “The Man of asked if I had the Superman cartridge. every time it appeared, and I kept pick-
Steel” was watching the TV show as a When I told him yes, he quickly sched- ing up the spazzy Lois Lane—or as I
kid. It always seemed to be the same uled a flight out so we could decide preferred to call her, “Margot Kidder on
episode over and over: Jimmy and Lois once and for all who was absolutely a good day.”
got taken by ‘the bad guys,’ and Super- The Best. As dawn approached and we’d yet
man flew in at the last second and So, it was with great excitement that to complete a single round of the
saved them. Just after Superman left, we sat down with my recently discov- game, we admitted defeat. Phil, who I
Clark Kent would saunter in and every- ered cartridge of Superman and won- was now openly calling “Jimmy,” was
one would think of him as a wimp for dered, will he heroically dodge Krypton- distraught we could not recapture our
not getting there in time to help out. ite, but dive under a table if someone wasted youth. I was wondering if my
Maybe Clark didn’t want to save you, throws a sofa cushion at him? Would friend was truly becoming the wuss I
Jimmy—ever think about that? the game be The Best or tragically always feared he was deep down in-
What bothered me most, besides Clark Kentian? side.
Phil’s odd idolization of “the son of Jor- It took us 25 minutes to figure out We turned on the TV to see if per-
El,” was the fact that whenever some- how to get the thing plugged in. I had- haps we could find The Man of Steel
one shot at Superman, he’d stand n’t played in a couple of months, and I and maybe some of our lost machismo.
there, hands on hips and grin. But ask you, who really understands where When The Powerpuff Girls came on,
when they ran out of ammunition, they all those little cables go? Finally, after my question was answered.
would throw their gun at him and he sticking anything that looked like a ca-
would duck. Bullets don’t scare him, ble into anything that resembled a re- “Cool!” Said Phil, “They’re The Best.”
but throwing a gun like a girl at him ceptacle, we got the game going.
causes him to duck out of the way? I As the game came to life, Phil mut-
was repeatedly asked to leave my tered, “Who’s that?”
dorm room shortly after each viewing,
because of my “disrespect” of the “That would be Superman.”
stranger from another planet. “Really? Why won’t he fly?”

Classic Gamer Magazine Spring 2000 58