Page 9 - OSG Presents Classic Gamer Magazine #6

R every item in the place had a price tag on it. The But what I remember most about Knox-
ville's World's Fair was the Petro. As you
lamps, the coffee table, the bed, the bathroom mir-
may or may not know, World's Fairs always
ror -- the entire suite was for sale! I experienced
emember that classic episode of "The
Simpsons" where Bart gets a fake
my room, slap a couple of bills on the night table,
terms of fun food. And, as you also doubt-
driver's license and recruits Milhouse, Nelson and several dreams in which people would walk into strive to produce some sort of innovation in
Martin for a disastrous road trip to the Knoxville and remove the chairs or the bad painting over the less remember from three paragraphs ago,
World's Fair (not realizing that the guidebook bed. the theme of the Knoxville expo was energy.
they're referencing is over ten years old)? Of The 1982 World's Fair had been built on the site So, the culinary barbarians who ran this
course, the Fair site is pictured as a dilapidated of an abandoned railroad yard. Its theme was show "invented" the Petro. A Petro was a
downtown dump, with former exhibits now serv- "energy" and its symbol was the Sunsphere, a pe- taco, only the shell was molded plastic (or
ing as cheapie wig shops (the kids even back destrian-looking tower topped off with what looked some manner of inedible petroleum-derived
their rented car into the Sunsphere, toppling it). like a great big grapefruit. It was, in fact, a bronze substance, hence the name). Lettuce, toma-
But what most people who've seen that show sphere that was supposed to suggest the sun. At a toes, cheese and chopped meat were
don't realize is that Knoxville's 1982 World's Fair not-very-impressive height of 266 feet, the Sun- housed in what looked like a 45rpm record
was just as sleazy, funky and depressing in 1982 sphere proved an ap- that had been out in the sun too long. And,
as the urban wasteland depicted in that animated as we all know, the Petro subsequently
TV show. became the single most popular fast food
I know this because I was there, on an Oc- sensation in the world, outselling
tober afternoon of the Fair's final day. Twenty- McDonalds and Burger King combined.
four hours earlier, President Jimmy Carter, Oh, wait. I'm sorry. That happened in
who had played a major role in securing the the Bizarro World.
Fair for Knoxville, had delivered an appropri- In this reality, the Petro went the way
ately dispirited speech at the formal closing of the Houston oil business, the North
ceremonies. But on this, the true last day of a American Soccer League and 5.25"
World's Fair, which had opened five months floppy disks. And, of course, the Magna-
earlier in a rush of populist optimism and politi- vox videogame division itself, which strug-
cal cynicism, the closest thing to dignitaries gled on a little longer but finally admitted
were the editors of Electronic Games magazine - defeat after showing the Odyssey3 -- a
- Arnie Katz, Joyce Worley and me. system that was identical to the Odyssey2
We had been flown into town that morning by except it had the capability of producing
the folks from Magnavox's videogame division to background graphics -- at a CES in 1984.
"host" the finals of a tournament being staged propriately apt That night, while the demolition crews
around an Odyssey2 game called Pick-Ax Pete. symbol for this me- gathered around us like vultures, the Fair
The event's formal title was the "Pick-Ax Pete diocre Fair and made closed with a pretty impressive fireworks
Pick Off" and let me tell you, doing play-by-play the entire event look like an oversized Sunoco gas display. Arnie, Joyce and I sat in the room
and/or color commentary for a videogame tourna- station. The Seattle World’s Fair in ‘62 gave us the with the best view and stared out the glass
ment is not the world's easiest gig. Space Needle. New York's '64 World's Fair pro- wall situated directly above the river on
But please, let me dwell another moment or duced the Unisphere. And now Knoxville, poor, which the fireworks barge was moored. The
two on the Fair itself. out of work Knoxville, presented the world with entire spectacle seemed to be pointed right
In 1982, Knoxville was a city in the throes of what looked like nothing so much as a big, orange at us as the pyrotechnicians blasted apart
an economic crisis. Unemployment levels were golf ball perched atop the world's largest tee. the sky outside our window with Roman can-
skyrocketing. The local news broadcasts always Having been to the entertainment-heavy New dles, aerial shells, rockets and fountain com-
seemed to involve listing locations where jobless York World's Fair in '64, I was foolishly expecting ets.
citizens could apply for benefits. The Fair had that there might be, oh, I don't know, attractions at The following morning, a taxi carried us
been sold to voters as a quick fix panacea; just a World's Fair. But no, Knoxville scrupulously to the airport as Knoxville geared up for an-
the sort of tonic to produce a financial recovery. avoided anything that might remotely resemble other assault on its unemployment services
But the event itself drew such horrible reviews -- fun. There was a huge hall that housed the and Magnavox tried once again to get its
for good and just reasons, to be sure -- that visi- "International Exhibits," such as the one from Rus- under-rated, but doomed game system roll-
tors stayed away in droves. By the end, the place sia which, as I recall, comprised a photograph of a ing.
was like a ghost town. The upside of this was that tractor and some sort of rock in a glass case. Of
there was no wait to get into the exhibits. The course, not all the displays were that elaborate. I --Bill Kunkel
downside was that the exhibits still weren't worth believe Rumania left out the rock altogether. Las Vegas, NV
the wait. This hangar-style hall was also the site of the
So here we were, three New York writers in a Pick-Ax Pete Pick Off, and the Fair was so boring (Editor’s Note: While looking for more de-
city full of unemployed people at the most boring that we actually drew a small crowd (small crowds tails on the web regarding the Knoxville Fair,
World's Fair imaginable. And within 24 hours, a being the only kind left as the last jobs in Knoxville I was stunned to find that “Petro’s” is still
host of former World's Fair employees would prepared to evaporate). Arnie is a natural at public alive and kicking. I believe Mr. Kunkel is still
swell the ranks of the jobless, giving the entire speaking and we really tried to do a formal play-by- in shock from receiving this news. So, if
city an anxious, beaten-up quality. To make mat- play and color man presentation, but there was you’re looking for a great franchise opportu-
ters worse, we were staying at a massive Hilton about as much color to this tournament as a 1950 nity, visit www.petros.com. Just don’t expect
that had been constructed solely for all those Fair television set. I have no recollection of what I said, Joyce, Bill and Arnie to invest in your ven-
attendees who didn't come. The hotel itself was but I got a few laughs while Arnie struggled to de- ture.)
apparently scheduled for de-construction the min- scribe the contest (which, due to his poor eyesight,
ute we checked out. I have never, before or he could barely see) for an audience that had no
since, occupied a hotel room in which each and idea what it was looking at.
Classic Gamer Magazine Spring 2001 9