Page 43 - OSG Presents Classic Gamer Magazine #4

ently bad, yet strangely addictive.
Sex, Drugs, Rock 'N Roll, and
In fact, I think I prefer cigarettes to
Video Games RPGs.
So here we go, the top five reasons
cigarettes are better than RPGs.
A s humans, we think too much.
We alone among all creatures KNOW 5. People often smile while smok-
we are going to DIE. ing a cigarette.
This is because our analytical minds 4. Even the heaviest smokers don't
are too smart. smoke for ten hours straight.
There's something wrong with every- 3. You don't have to think about
thing if you analyze it enough. smoking a cigarette.
Thinking causes pain. 2. If your lighter goes out, the
Thinking drives you insane. world does NOT turn black.
The more something makes you think,
the worse it probably is. and, the number one reason to smoke
instead of play RPGs:
Lucky for us, we can use recreation to
fight against the evils of thought. 1. No matter how much you
Traditionally, we've had sex, drugs, smoke, you only die once.
and rock 'n roll.
Then came video games. An RPG is like an interactive story. I
They don't have the dangers of sex. often find myself playing not because I
They aren't as addictive as drugs. And like the game, but because I like the
they give you something to do while story. This not only means that there is
listening to rock 'n roll. less short-term gratification than a
Video games started out simple and He explains to me that game that is actually
fun. Then they got less simple... and there's not enough to it. Video games fun, but also that the
less fun. He thinks the guy with an game has almost NO
Nowadays, some of them are so com- axe should swing it, not replay value.
plicated that you actually have to think. throw it. started out I mean, if a game is
The more something makes you think, He thinks there should be more like a book or a
the worse it probably is. some sort of "sniper mode" simple and fun. movie, then you will
if you choose the guy with likely pick up a game
Complexity is the enemy of good a bow & arrow. Then they got and play it as often as
gaming. "But Gauntlet has always you read a book or
More features = Less fun been like that," I say. less simple... watch a movie.
What's up with all the thinking in video Of course, his reply is, Count how many times
games nowadays? "Yeah? Then Gauntlet you've played your fa-
My little brother complained to me that sucks." and less fun. vorite video game. Now
Gauntlet Legends was a horrible game. So I fired up an old Gaunt- count how many times
So I played it for awhile. let game in one of my you've seen your favor-
Seemed pretty cool to me. emulators on my computer ite movie, or read your
"What's wrong with it?" I ask.
to show it to him. favorite book. You probably can't even
Sure enough, he thought it count the video game, can you?
sucked. That's the way it should be.
What is the mentality of
gamers nowadays? So let's stop it with the "sophisticated"
Do they even want to have games already!
fun? Let's keep them as simple as possible.
Fun is what happens when brain cells
I'm not one to complain are dying.
about things I have not ex- Give me Pong and a bong, Stampede
perienced, however. and some weed.
Recently I've been emulat- Ever realize that driving games let you
ing a lot of RPGs (Role legally drive drunk?
Playing Games)... the Let's keep video games and ourselves
games I perceive as the as fun and happy as they can be...
pioneers of complicated STUPID!
gaming.
And I figured it out. RPGs
Gauntlet Legends are like cigarettes. Inher-
Classic Gamer Magazine Summer 2000 43