Page 16 - OSG Presents Classic Gamer Magazine #5

I consider myself an intermediate game player. I may not have the lightning reflexes of a teenager, but
I do have a stubborn tenacity to stick with a game until it can be mastered. Every game I play I like to
max out by developing strategies until I find the most logical ones (unless, of course it is an impossibility).
The following games are not totally unplayable, but they may as well be due to bad controls and/or
poor game design:

COCONUTS

This is a Kaboom-style game in which you
are an umbrella-toting jungle explorer who
must dodge coconuts dropped by a
berserk monkey. You can survive for only
a few rounds because the game speeds
up to an impossible pace giving you no
chance to react due to painfully slow
joystick response. Totally unfair! If you
want to play something similar, try
Kaboom, Lost Luggage, or Eggomania
instead – at least you’ll have a fighting
chance.
DOUBLE DRAGON

This is an early street fighter game with only a
few basic moves. I don't know what it is, but
no matter what strategy I use I wind up getting
the crap beaten out of me very quickly. These
opponents are very tough and appear to have
no weaknesses. I don’t remember having got-
ten past the second screen. As far as I can
determine there is very little you can do to de-
fend yourself. You have to trade blows and as
a result you take on injury. You have to be a
masochist to stick with this game.

GHOSTBUSTERS II (PAL only)

The action here consists of rappelling
down a hole, avoiding hazards along the
way, in order to reach the bottom to scoop
up a bucket of slime. Sounds gross, I
know. This is a game that can be very
frustrating. As soon as you start to have
good run, you get stuck on the flypaper-
like walls. Yet if you go too slowly, you
have to deal with sawing hands, which cut
your rope! If you try to fire up at the sawing
hands, you end up climbing upward or a ledge gets in your way blocking your shot. If by
some chance you manage to reach the bottom, you need to determine how to pick up the
slime before time runs out and the game ends. It seems impossible to master. According to
SPACE SHUTTLE the box and the vague instructions, there is supposed to be a Statue of Liberty screen (which I
have yet to get to!). Is the game complete? I don't know. This game requires a lot more luck
than most but I have found the 7800 joystick allows for greater control.

Fly a realistic space shuttle simulator from liftoff to landing while completing various space shuttle
missions. While this was an ambitious game concept, somewhere along the way it went too far
into cyberspace. Real astronauts are very busy doing flight checks, performing tests, correlating
data, reading manuals, maintaining communications with mission control, and running things on a
computer (Not to mention eating and taking care of business). I think you get the point; there can
be such a thing as too much realism! There is more work than play: chasing satellites, maintain-
ing control, etc... And there is so much data to remember, not even the console overlays help!
Perhaps the author became obsessed with authenticity and trying to squeeze it all into a 2600
cart? The furthest I have gotten in this game is rendezvousing with one satellite. In other words I
have yet to land the shuttle successfully! I have tried various tactics and yet I always ran out of fuel or got burnt to a crisp upon reentry. I finally
gave up. I would have to say that the two Activision merit badges that were available must have been the two hardest ones to earn, and conse-
quently the rarest. Luckily, I got mine in trade (and only from someone who dealt directly with Activision). I plan to go back to this game some-
day, but I think no matter how much I play, I’ll never get anywhere with this game . . . not even if I devoted a lot of time to training and studying
the manuals!
Classic Gamer Magazine December 2000 16