Page 13 - OSG Presents Classic Gamer Magazine #5

TERRIBLE TAIWANESE

There are some games that came out
of Taiwan that are really bad. I'd tell you
the name of the company that produced
them but I don’t know it! Actually, the
Taiwanese games that invaded our
shores were illegal rip-offs of existing
games from both the United States and
Racquetball Slot Machine Europe. In some cases it was even im-
possible to figure out what game was
being ripped off as the box’s cover art,
pull a handle! Then you watch the wheels description, and screen shot were all
Racquetball turn for a few seconds and hope that you different. However, there is a lighter side
You might think that Apollo should’ve win. If you do, you have the thrill of hearing to these Taiwanese games, which may
been commended for taking on a game your coins pour out. be reason enough to collect them. The
like racquetball and converting it to the This is something that can't be dupli- description and instructions, which are
home console. That is, until you play it. cated in a videogame. There is little sus- found on the back of the box, are written
While the graphics simulate a racquetball pense in watching wheels turn when you in such bad English that they are actually
court adequately, the game play is just have nothing at stake. And if you do win, funny. Here are two examples:
impossible. For some reason the designer you won't be awarded with the clanging of
thought that the ball’s shadow was impera- coins. Little Bear:
tive to the game play. Unfortunately it’s Even the graphics on the 2600 Slot "Your mission is to protect the Mr.
impossible to tell which is the real ball and Machine lack excitement. The symbols on Postman sending a secret letter safely to
which is the shadow! Stay away from this the wheels don’t resemble anything on a Silent City. To press the button is to
one at all costs! real slot machine. make Mr. Postman should keep away
Apparently few enjoyed this game. It from hails and the eagle, or you press
Football was one of the first titles from Atari (along the button to shoot down them. Mr. Post-
The Atari 2600 did not achieve its with Starship and Miniature Golf) to be man can not touch the wall as he is walk-
discontinued.
popularity by way of its sports games, but ing on the street, otherwise all will be
Football brought them down to a new gone.

level. There is probably more flickering in Pac-Man Scoring
this game than all other 2600 games Finally, no article dealing with bad Any lose and mistake: deduct 10 from
combined (Pac-Man included!). Unlike games can omit Atari's 2600 Pac-Man. the basic scores 2000."
real football, which involves a large de- The funny thing about Pac-Man is that it
gree of strategy, 2600 Football all comes really isn't a bad game. The only problem Bobby Is Going Home:
down to luck. Like most early 2600 is its name. Here is another example of Bobby thinks that the world is so
games, Football featured piss-poor pa- Atari capitalizing on a popular name and beautiful. He feels his life perfect. But
thetic graphics. Unfortunately there was disappointing everyone who bought it. this day as he going home, he meets
little gameplay to enhance them. Atari later proved with the 2600 version of many strange troubles. At the start of
Ms Pac-Man that it could produce a de- game, Bobby has 5 lives, total has 256
Slot Machine cent version of Pac-Man if it wasn't forced scenes of the game, Bobby must pass
I have a problem with videogame ver- to rush it onto the marketplace. If the through 7 scenes.
sions of games of chance. The whole point 2600 version of Pac-Man had a different Scoring
name, it wouldn't have been any worse
of these games is for people to risk their At the start of the game, you have
money in order to (hopefully) win more. If than the dozens of other maze/dot games 3,000 points. When past through one
you take the money aspect away, there's that were available. scene, get 1,000 points. If bobby failed,

little to get excited about. It's like getting to try again plus 1,000 points too. But failed
the million dollar question on the Play- 5 times, the game is over. The scores
Station version of Who Wants To Be A will count down to zero, so please don’t
Millionaire. If you don't know the answer hesitate!
you may as well guess. After all, you have
nothing to lose. Author Leonard Herman resides in New You couldn't write something funnier if
Video gambling is the same. Some Jersey with his wife Tamar and sons you tried!
gamblers may find merit in the video- Ronnie and Gregory. He is hard at work
games because it gives them a chance to preparing the third edition of "Phoenix:
hone in on their skills. But when it comes The Fall & Rise of Videogames," which
to a slot machine, what kinds of skills are he plans to release in early 2001.
involved? All you do is insert a coin and

Football Bobby Is Going Home
Photo courtesy: atarihq.com
Classic Gamer Magazine December 2000 13