Well, here’s the “movie” issue of Classic Gamer Magazine. I guess the focus is the blissful union between movies and video games. Wait a minute! BLISSFUL UNION? Generally, I’d say that movies and video games are like oil and water – they don’t quite mix. No, that’s not right. They’re like ammonia and bleach -they mix, but it’ll KILL YOU. No, that’s not it either. They’re like your genitals mixed with a blender, ARRRGGHH!!

Have you ever played Back to the Future on the NES? That game is a tragedy. If aliens came to Earth and the first thing they saw was that video game, they would not hesitate to destroy our pathetic planet.

How about games turned into movies? Have you seen that Mortal Kombat movie? It is one of the most AWFUL movies I’ve seen in my LIFE! And what about its SEQUEL?

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